:D :) :| :\ :( listen

half asleep, half a heart.

2011-07-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

when i'm without,

i'd long.

when love is about,

i'd wrong.

light as a feather,

im free.

but how could it matter,

im only with me.

fluttering through a garden,

all i sense is nectar.

thorns abundant well sharpened,

all i did was hover.

maybe a better hour,

or some other flower.

someday i'll have mine,

and all the love i'll shower.

turning point.

2010-12-29T09:48:00.000-08:00

Utterly humbled, i sat in awe as i watched them move with grace, with power, with honesty. Humbled as i have attributed my weaknesses to my 'busy' life as a med student. A flimsy excuse. I realised it is I who have 'set' the rules from the start.

'Ive always been scared of rails' i said.
'Ive always feel safer by doing a crane rather than a precision' i said.
'Ive never understood the corkscrew' i said.

Right from the start i have pulled myself down by my own words. The recent Annual Parkour Jam, i realised, once I opened up my options, freed myself from these negative thoughts, i dared. I dared to try. And, once i tried, it wasn't that bad. (relating to a crane i attempted)

To climb over the wall of my 'comfort zone' was the obstacle all along. All i need is to try one step at a time. To progress from the ground up and be persistent.

This was the simple lesson i learned, applicable to other areas in my life.
And thus, i shall.

Butterfly.

2010-11-22T06:23:00.000-08:00

flowers bloom as i float through,
eyeing for some nectar.
these frail wings surprise me,
seemingly aimless, along i flutter.
finally a beauty i see,
oh wings don't falter.
tired and longing,
softly i kissed her.

.....

2010-10-04T03:04:00.000-07:00

a wasted day,
sought refuge in my home.
amidst closed curtains and books.
a book tells me of the heart.
a heart that no longer speaks.
a mind as quiet as the moon.
a heart that knows not what it seeks.
a heart that seizes to dictate my purpose.
like said before.
commitments fall like the fingers of a leper.
slowly and gradually.
and so i seek meaning.

Ponder.

2010-07-02T04:05:00.000-07:00

Try and put on paper the reasons

you do whatever things you are

doing. e.g studies, career, hobbies.

:)

2010-06-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

the solution to tough times is simply time off.

:\

2010-05-17T05:55:00.000-07:00

huhu. Commitments fall off bit by bit like the fingers of a leper. this is tough.

:)

2010-03-19T03:56:00.000-07:00

Age considers, youth ventures. Rabrindanath Tagore.

I have a feeling that i have started bending over to the 'considering' side.

Hospital Tuanku Jaafar, Seremban.

2010-03-17T03:16:00.000-07:00

(rumah kedua saya)

reminders.

2010-01-30T06:03:00.000-08:00

I realized,
you can't say "I've read that book already!"
and close its pages assuming you know its contents.
this book i'm reading, the Recitation,
surprises me every time i re-read its chapters.
it's really a page turner, even though you have read it before.
like an awesome movie that you keep watching over and over again.
Its stories, allegories, laws, etc; perfect, complete and detailed enough for people to take heed from.
do you know what the Recitation is?
->al(the) Quran(Recitation)<-highlight for the answer..)

days worth noting.

2010-01-27T11:13:00.000-08:00

from the joys of exams,
til the ever familiar scent of my home.
it took close to two months to finally reach back here,
but, oh how fruitful it was.
things kept happening through-out.
one after the other.

(18/19/20)|12|09
Qayyim and I went down south to meet up with Singaporean traceurs. might be a short trip but, damn, i learned many things(many non-parkour lessons too). There is something about that country, about its people, about its infrastructure, the ideas and concepts behind them that captivates me. simple things with heavy lessons backing them up. i'll summarize them the way i physically saw it;
1. sturdy rails.
(represents quality and strength, 'to be, and to last')

2. fast escalators.
(represents the eagerness to progress, feel how dreadfully slow it is the next time you go up/down an escalator at your nearest mall)

3. the family restaurant where i ate briyani.
(represents honesty. i don't know why, but the place 'felt' so honest, so genuine. made that briyani i ate much much sedap'er)

4. the traceurs there.
(their focus and enthusiasm)

haha. the 1st 3 seems silly. but hey, thats how i see things. these are among the things that i learned and took home. Thanks Zahid for showing us around. Also stopped by Johor to meet the Johor freerunners!

26|12|09
baca khatam with me little second cousins. hehe. prepping up for that was fun. the bday/anniversary pre-khatam bbq. hehe. Atiks birthday and Atuk and Wan Teh's wedding anniversary. Those two were shy-looking when they had to blow out their many candles on their ulang tahun cake. Hehe.
Had a chance to do something (which i thought was) different for that baca khatam. After each sura was read, its terjemahan was read aloud too. Hopefully the people who came went home with lessons from these sura's.

27|12|09
PKMY(parkour malaysia) annual jam! at putrajaya's; Forbidden park, precint 8 and Dataran Gemilang. A tiring but satisfying whole day session with traceurs from all over Malaysia. with around 70 people turning up, it was the biggest gathering of traceurs i've seen so far in Malaysia.

31|12|09
New Years Eve. People were like ants, the air was humid and warm, and the fireworks display at KLCC was...ok ok la. haha. but, all that doesn't really matter because i was with my family. both grandma's from each side of the family was there!

1|1|10
haha. high speed roller coasters was all i remembered!

?|1|10
Went down south again, this time to Hakim's house and later the next day to Singapore to attend the 'Body Worlds' exhibition. It felt like MMS sessions as we try to recall the names of the muscles and stuff the we saw. Haha. Thanks to Hakim's auntie's family for the warm welcome and stay! Thanks to Hakim for sending me allll theee waayyy to Kuala Pilah. Crazy! haha.

?|1|10
as soon as i reach kampung from Johor/Sg i had to go pick up my little sis at the airport(didnt hppn due to car trouble, but Papa helped ambik. :D) and go straight to Sunway to catch the Neyo's, Year of the Gentleman concert. Najwa was the opening act and...huhu...meremang bulu roma. her singing voice was awesome. Neyo was a great performer and somehow, that taught me a lesson. Bersungguh2 when doing something.

after this, nothing much really happened besides parkour training sessions.
last week Hakim came over for a week-long homestay program at my grandma's house. haha.

and insyaAllah, next week, the KarimHakimKamal trio will lodge at my Kuching home for 4 days. haha. til then. Counting off the last month of me holiday.

peace!

exam results!

2009-11-29T06:45:00.000-08:00

5/7 til the trigger is pulled.
whether i survive the blow,
or drop and bleed til i become like a prune,
its all in the hands of The Most Gracious.

simple things.

2009-11-07T20:49:00.000-08:00

my heart still works.
one reminder is all it takes.
Usher and Alicia Keys were right.
Sheryl Crow too.

3 weeks + a few days of mischief

2009-10-25T01:19:00.000-07:00

So close(1), yet so far(2).

(1) till exam day.
(2) topics to cover.

show and tell.

2009-10-06T02:27:00.000-07:00

myself and my aims,
suffice for me alone it is known.
Must I go about aloud and proclaim,
what i myself have already shown?

:D

2009-09-17T02:25:00.001-07:00

This is the best time to go back to the warmth of HOME!
:D

Act accordingly!

2009-09-16T23:45:00.000-07:00

Countless lessons,
but never have i seem to take heed.
recall that i told myself,

"...what have we learned today? prepare earlier~!" 23/3/08

and yesterday, a lecturer said,

"If you have not started studying now, something is wrong with you!" 16/9/09

Indeed, something is seriously wrong here.
I feel no pressure, and i don't know why.
If this persists, this worldly doom would fall upon me.

Its now or never.
All or none.
Gotta soar above the threshold.
Strenghten my 'foothold'.
May the stress begin.

In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

in the dark.

2009-09-10T03:47:00.000-07:00

system shutdown.

five.

2009-09-02T02:21:00.000-07:00

Quran[2:286]
God never burdens a soul beyond its means: to its credit is what it earns, and against it is what it commits. "Our Lord, do not condemn us if we forget or make mistakes. Our Lord, and protect us from blaspheming against You, like those before us have done. Our Lord, protect us from sinning until it becomes too late for us to repent. Pardon us and forgive us. You are our Lord and Master. Grant us victory over the disbelieving people."

Everyday's tasks and tests can get overwhelming. when it does, you simply burn out, immobilize and do nothing. but, i realized, once you settle down and organize your thoughts and priorities, you get a nice check list that you can easily follow. And, every tick you mark, the more at ease your troubled heart becomes.
I have seeped in and out of this state: constantly lighting up and burning out. Too quick. but, i trust in God. God never burdens a soul beyond its means. Perseverence shall prevail!

Peace!

2009-08-27T01:18:00.000-07:00

Salam Ramadhan.

I invite my friends and family to read and understand the Quran. If you understand Arabic, good for you. If you don't, read any translation that is available.

Surah Al Qamar verse 17, 22, 32, 40.(The same words are repeated)
(54:17,22,32,40) We made the Quran easy to learn. Does any of you wish to learn?

God gave you a question. What is your answer?

An obstacle.

2009-08-01T00:29:00.000-07:00

Tightening my shoelaces.
Pulling up my pants.
In a crouched position like a tiger ready to pounce.

This is the biggest obstacle I'll ever face, as of now.
Final semester of pre-clinical studies.
What's challenging is the load of work. Studying the current semester's topic plus all the other previous four semester. I know myself, and if I don't focus... :(.
All i need to do is read, understand and familiarize myself with EVERYTHING I have studied.

Dr Nilesh Kumar, my mentor, said it best,
"You're a senior now, act accordingly."

Salam.

:D

2009-06-20T22:23:00.000-07:00

cuti checklist.
1. GP posting(checked)
-meet up with Dr Hajijah.
-be useful and learn.

2. Family and friends.(checked)

3. Parkour and trick! Kuching City!(checked)

4. Study.(at least i had the intention. haha)

2009-06-14T22:12:00.000-07:00

Curiosity kills,
waiting to shoot,
giving me chills,
head right down to my foot.

I am trembling
with sights i've just seen,
pain and disgust, ah,
utterly obscene.

But this mouth chooses
what it wants to say,
so keep quiet i must,
awaiting that dreadful day.

eyes closed.

2009-05-20T20:21:00.000-07:00

I close my eyes.
The music begins.
All i have been through,
gets recreated into a song.
I love everything about it.
The rhythm.
The lyrics.
My righteous deeds,
my sinful sins,
all intertwine to make the perfect tune.
Though im not proud of my wrongs,
i shouldnt be proud of my rights as well.
Regrets turn into lessons,
successes humbles,
and all this for 1 reason.

The Afternoon.

2009-05-04T21:12:00.000-07:00

In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
[103:1] By the afternoon.
[103:2] The human being is utterly lost.
[103:3] Except those who believe and lead a righteous life, and exhort one another to uphold the truth, and exhort one another to be steadfast.

Ukur sendiri ya!

2009-04-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

haha.

the end of my 10 day holiday.

2009-02-21T22:25:00.000-08:00

all my clothes are packed.
books, cables, video camera too.
tinggal mok mandik and pegi potong rambut gik.

in these short ten days, i have received a few advice;
-Belaja rajin-rajin.
-Don't try to succeed, make sure you succeed.
-Concentrate ngan tok dulok, klak mikir hal ya*.

Only now i realise the value of these 'typical' advice.
My elders and some of my friends came to the same
conclusion after going through it themselves.

Ahead of me lies semester 4 & 5.
Gotta tighten up my shoelaces
and take a deep breath.
This is a race i must win.

*4/114

:)

2009-02-18T19:37:00.000-08:00

i passed. Praise be to God, Lord of the universe.

tomorrow, the 20th of February.

2009-02-18T08:26:00.000-08:00

MY
RESIT
RESULTS
ARE
COMING
OUT
SOON!
Passing would be nice.
Ace-ing would be better.
Hopefully a seat is waiting for me in the semester 4 lecture halls.
Ameen.

one week

2009-02-12T12:05:00.000-08:00

an almost 2 months holiday was shrunk to 1 week.
so, i shall make the best of these 7 days.

they're pulling out another chair.

2009-01-09T02:04:00.000-08:00

I am given another chair, for me to sit on. I broke 2 of its legs the last time, making me hit my head on the ground. I'll try this time.

concentrate

2008-12-16T06:56:00.000-08:00

oh friable mind,
please play your role.
i have been amiss,
please join me in this stroll.
i need you now,
more than ever.
as one whole,
no thought to waver.

2008-08-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

can i

take this

bombard

ment

of tasks and responsibilities? Am i fit for the

job? Should

I make it fit

? Life is not

easy, but n-

either is dea

th. so choose.

live........mati

not literally la but. do what you can. don't die to the occasion.

:)

2008-07-30T00:02:00.000-07:00

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

by Charlie Chaplin

film.

2008-07-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

they tell tales. great ones sometimes. and i just watched one. 'The Dark Knight' was awesome. i never knew it could get as complicated and deep as it was. Those who have not watched it, GO!

I on the other hand have matters to attend to...one of them being helping out with IMU M208's orientation video. 1st draft is set. the 2nd one awaits. The idea of the video seems interesting to me, but, will it be for the audience? haha. tengokla(we'll see).

Salam.

a prayer.

2008-07-04T11:50:00.000-07:00

the ocean is my witness.
to the sand on my shore.
& to the boulders on my beach.

countless! My Lord, they are countless!
But Your mercy is infinite!
Grant me a share of it.

I beg of You.

i've been having dreams again.

2008-07-03T19:01:00.000-07:00

I guess my mind has not been resting well this past few days.
My body too.
But the dreams i had were very interesting that i don't mind the weak feeling when i wake up.
Tomorrow, my friends and i will be at the Kuching Waterfront Xpose to inform the masses of the art of movement. hehe.
Hopefully things go well.

Body today weak, hopefully better tomorrow.

Lets entertain KUCHING!

friends.

2008-06-26T09:30:00.000-07:00

life long.
or
bonds just formed.

we are almost each other.
values. thoughts. goals. & a whole lot more.

we teach each other.
our screw-ups, our successes. lessons put forth yearning to be learned.
i know i need too.

half a holiday spent,
half more to go.
As said, 'If not now, when?'
another lesson for me.

Loved ones, parkour, trick, break, chill, school-work, house-work, ...oh God, make this easy for me to do.

apa apa pun,
sayang sama lu semua.

page 172.

2008-06-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

Rumi, a poet, once said,

don't try to repent
every time i try
my vow just gets broken
my drunk soul
doesn't want to repent again
I vowed a hundred times
a thousand times
not to do this or that
repentance just got tired of me

How does it feel to know that you've passed your exam.

2008-05-30T11:28:00.000-07:00

Thankful.
And now that holiday's have started, many things and activities fill my eager mind.
2 months. I HAVE TO fill it with Happyness, for my keluarga, for my kengkawans, for the moment.

God. Guide me. Teach me. Punish me.
InsyaAllah, i shall walk in your land, and i pray to You that I be cleansed. And the others too.

I got a haircut. Heh. And, often do I forget that it was not thick as before. My hand would reach for it, only to feel lost as it searches lower to discover a firm carpet-like texture.

Days remain still as it has been like the old days.
Can't dwindle there too much though.

:D Whatever it is, please pray for the successful completion of our journey of Umrah.

Salam.

people.

2008-04-28T21:51:00.000-07:00

around me,
i see people and their progression.
i am always in awe.
always,
of how they move forward,
improving each step of the way.

they walk their paths,
as though with calculated thought,
maybe thinking of BIG projects,
or something simple like
what to eat for lunch or dinner.

i congratulate you and your forward flow.

a plant of four seasons.

2008-04-24T20:06:00.000-07:00

Like a plant of four seasons,
that grows and sheds
in accordance to the environment,
it is now winter for me,
where everything seems to fall apart.

Yes i sound dramatic,
but everyone feels this, don't they?

Summer was pleasant,
with its rays of smiles,
and its breeze of joy.

Autumn was a transition, slowly introducing to the chills of winter.
Hopefully, spring will be an enlightenment,
that brings us back to summer's warmth.

but, every season has its good moments.
I'll find them.

2008-04-23T00:56:00.000-07:00

EOS.

end of semester exams.

4 weeks.

i am not ready.

hope i'll be ready.

i must be.

Sakit Perut~ hehe.

2008-04-22T02:44:00.000-07:00

perut ku mengeluh mengadu pedih.
'sikpa. kaktok kamek beli kitak waffle k. kejap ah. kejap'
perut ku mula menitiskan air mata.
'ayi, iboh nangis. kamek polah benda tok skejap. kejap ah'
perut ku senyap.
lekas aku angkat dan tinggalkan tugas.
Ku tulis,'Honey Cheese Waffle. Soft. not crispy.'

2008-04-15T04:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but i like this picture. I hope you like it too.

Exam is in less than 5 weeks.

All the best to all.

Salam study.

:(

2008-04-15T04:41:00.000-07:00

i am human.

& humans screw up.

screw ups happen.

& they happen to teach.

to teach the wrongs so we do not repeat them.

not only ourselves, but to teach those who are close.

broken malay. hehe.

2008-04-08T20:06:00.000-07:00

sebatang kayu ku pikul di bahu.
di dua hujung kayu ada bakulnya tergantung.
setiap dentuman kaki ku berjalan,
semakin bertambah isi yang dimasukkan.

:|

2008-04-03T23:37:00.000-07:00

i can't find a word to say.
the more i think,
the more my insides echo with my heart beat.
I can't hear a word. There are no words.
& it is this that causes the dark rainclouds to pour its load.

Hills.

2008-03-31T08:08:00.000-07:00

my 'aneh' words and sentences will hide and find shelter in the hills.

Salam.

: l

2008-03-31T06:49:00.000-07:00

This is how a bedroom should not look like. I cleaned up the mess and it remained clean for a week. But, when school started, the mess started re-essembling itself.

Heh.

after monday is tuesday. after tuesday is wednesday.

2008-03-23T22:03:00.000-07:00

2 days to go, and a semester of notes to read through. haha.

so, students, what have we learned today?
prepare earlier~!

Summative 2 exams.

2008-03-12T21:18:00.000-07:00

i will be tested on what was supposedly learned in Foundation 2.
13 days to go.
:P

2 birds resting side by side

2008-03-08T04:54:00.000-08:00

Sri Petaling LRT station, on a Friday afternoon. Heading to the mosque in Sungai Besi for Friday prayers.

An ordinary LRT station can look beautiful in its own way, don't you think?

2008-03-05T18:12:00.000-08:00

one task finished,
another one awaits.

after that is done,
another will come.

i guess it must be the continuity of struggles that gives life to life.
best nak bila dah siap kerja?

2008-03-05T00:54:00.000-08:00

masa depan takkan pernah pasti,
kecuali keakhiran dunia.

tapi.
menunggu kepastian.
mengejar kepastian.
2 perkara yang sangat berbeza.
satu dengan usaha.
satu tiada.

salahnya apa yang aku fikirkan hari itu.

cloudy tears

2008-03-03T01:36:00.000-08:00

oh God,
i ask from you the heaviest of rain,
for me to sleep under tonite.

"_________?"

2008-02-29T00:20:00.000-08:00

put me through a struggle
and make me suffer,
only then you would see
if i'd die or live.

i do not own anyone,
and that includes you dear.
your life is your own,
and it is you who lives it dear.
the choice is yours to be made,
and insignificant am i in making it dear.

then i asked myself, "___________?"
i answered, "___________________________."

excerpt from the 7th discourse from Futuh Al-Ghaib.

2008-02-19T20:29:00.000-08:00

....Thus he was trained to practice praying for forgiveness, because that is the best state for a servant, and constant repentance, because this involves acknowledgment of sin and shortcoming–properties of human nature inherited from Adam (peace be upon him), the father of mankind.

...."Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You do not forgive us, and have mercy on us, we shall surely be among the lost!" (7:23).

Sabree: our clothes were white and pure, glistening under the light of the sun. But now there are stains.

we all are stained.

but with time, surely the dirt and grim would fade off, as long as we don't roll around in the dirt anymore.

the pak guards that work for my immune system.

2008-02-19T01:18:00.000-08:00

they take care of me.
they halt and destroy those that infiltrate my fort.
anything that does not belong to me,
they would recognise and start the inevitable destruction of these intruders.

they are strong. but most importantly, they respond fast.

but, if they fall sick and they are weakened,
their response become slow.
it is like playing tag with the slowest people being 'it'.
you can just out run them while they try and catch you.

Intruders run wild
and cause much damage.

i would be in trouble.

what i got from this was, being strong is not really the big deal, it is about being fast and being efficient while doing anything.

i am slow in some aspects, trusting the saying, 'slow and steady wins the race'. i guess, speeding up won't hurt.

2008-02-14T20:42:00.000-08:00

oh my Lord,
i feel like a child,
doing the wrongs and doing the right.
anxious and frantic is my heart,
without understanding it, i decide.

2008-02-13T02:32:00.000-08:00

Some moments one get so blur, and imagination flies out infinitely to space, without a thought in mind, how can i progress?

with my blank stares, i feel like an autistic child, my focus always spilling over the rim, how can i progress?

people complain of a mind full of thoughts,
can i complain of a mind eager for concentrated thought?

sit down. bit by bit. you will manage my friend.

&

76779.

2008-02-09T23:42:00.001-08:00

to all.

for my troubles.

for your worries.

i enjoyed my stay.

but forgive my inadequacy.

2008-02-06T14:01:00.001-08:00

lewat sudha ni. jam 6.03 pagi. saya tau ada dikalangan kamu sudha sedar. subuh kan? sudha?

mentari tidak lama lagi terbit tuh. mesti cantik kan kalau tengok?

sejuk sedap kalau duduk kat luar. mari. ada melodi merdu burungan yang awal. jum dengar.

kabus menipis. hangat terasa. akhiran pagi. masuk kembali. jum sedia sarapan.

tamat.

your string

2008-02-06T12:43:00.000-08:00

o dear blue balloon,
let me hang on to your string,
take me with you.
ignore the words of navigators
and let the breeze do what navigators do.
o dear blue balloon,
i may brush a tree top or two
or get cuts and bruises from the things i bump into,
but i will not let go of you.
nothing is this pain
compared to the wonders we have yet to discover.
i trust you blue balloon.
take me with you.
let me hang on to your string.
i will not let go.

dengungggggggggg~

2008-01-29T23:51:00.000-08:00

a million crickets are singing their lyrics inside my ears.
im serious.
it is like white noise, but amplified by a hundred.
and the weakest sounds seem so grand,
like a drop of water into a basin,
or the ambient sounds of a lecture hall just after lecture ends.
This is not a plea for sympathy of pain and annoyance,
but its something interesting to go through.
like listening to the sounds of crumpling paper from across the hall, of a pen dropping onto a table.
Ah, the wonders of a sensitized ear.
I heard a hum, and i looked around for where it came from. i smiled when i realised where she was.
Ah, the wonders of a sensitized ear.
She's humming again, and it is so clear and crisp.
:)

2008-01-11T03:15:00.000-08:00

mind is flying somewhere.

foggy decisions.

empty thoughts.

worrisome deals.

as though trying a new flip.

the pressure for knowledge.

a capped pen.

a broken pencil.

a stained shirt.

rustling leaves.

strange stares.

happy smiles.

some burning cable.

sakit.

2007-12-28T10:09:00.001-08:00

senyum sikit. haha.

maybe.

2007-12-28T09:48:00.000-08:00

o heart.
opaque are your walls.
& thick too.
for words to seep out seems so impossible now.
& all there is are these unknown words that push these wall of yours.
are you ok?

salam.

2007-12-19T15:06:00.000-08:00

In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.