From the Heart of a Loafer

It is not easy to distinguish between truth and falsehood,
many humans are deceitful at heart.
How many of them would share prosperity with you,
to equally share even the water drops from the rim of a roof?

An ignorant frog inside a well,
looking in vain for prestige and fame,
self-conceited and short-sighted,
I never expected my elegant house would one day become a dilapidated wreck.

We will eventually gain whatever as fate would have it,
We better not strive too hard for something not destined for us.

We will meet thunders and storms,
but we do not have to be scared.
Happiest are those who have a fair mind and a clear conscience
and who perform good deeds whenever possible.

We will eventually gain whatever as fate would have it,
We better not strive too hard for something not destined for us.

Human beings are just like the sand in the sea,
but we do not have to be scared.
You can see the evening glow all over the sky,
it will soon disappear like mist; so do fame and fortune.

Sam Hui - From the Heart of a Loafer.

distractions.

at times, this lab coat, this stethoscope, this tendon hammer, these journals, these sirens, the suffering of the ill, they line up around me like bars and i regress and collapse into the fetal position, in the comfort of putting work aside and enjoying this moment of nothingness. of how good life was in the womb. almost weightless, suspended in liquor, with the shoulders feeling seemingly at ease from its burden.

all these shackles disintegrate when i break free into the world of movement, where focus seemed infinite and distractions kept to a bare minimum.

3, 2, 1, spriiiiinnnttttt!!

I ran,
whole heartedly i ran.
I stumbled,
knowingly upon moss covered tracks.
I sat,
i wept and gazed.
I stood up,
and stared at the finish line.

lapan.lapan.duapuluhduabelas.

Like the ringing in my ear,
silenced as i diverted my thoughts.
Only to return at the instance of a reminder.

half asleep, half a heart.

when i'm without,

i'd long.

when love is about,

i'd wrong.

light as a feather,

im free.

but how could it matter,

im only with me.

fluttering through a garden,

all i sense is nectar.

thorns abundant well sharpened,

all i did was hover.

maybe a better hour,

or some other flower.

someday i'll have mine,

and all the love i'll shower.

turning point.

Utterly humbled, i sat in awe as i watched them move with grace, with power, with honesty. Humbled as i have attributed my weaknesses to my 'busy' life as a med student. A flimsy excuse. I realised it is I who have 'set' the rules from the start.

'Ive always been scared of rails' i said.
'Ive always feel safer by doing a crane rather than a precision' i said.
'Ive never understood the corkscrew' i said.

Right from the start i have pulled myself down by my own words. The recent Annual Parkour Jam, i realised, once I opened up my options, freed myself from these negative thoughts, i dared. I dared to try. And, once i tried, it wasn't that bad. (relating to a crane i attempted)

To climb over the wall of my 'comfort zone' was the obstacle all along. All i need is to try one step at a time. To progress from the ground up and be persistent.

This was the simple lesson i learned, applicable to other areas in my life.
And thus, i shall.

Butterfly.

flowers bloom as i float through,
eyeing for some nectar.
these frail wings surprise me,
seemingly aimless, along i flutter.
finally a beauty i see,
oh wings don't falter.
tired and longing,
softly i kissed her.

.....

a wasted day,
sought refuge in my home.
amidst closed curtains and books.
a book tells me of the heart.
a heart that no longer speaks.
a mind as quiet as the moon.
a heart that knows not what it seeks.
a heart that seizes to dictate my purpose.
like said before.
commitments fall like the fingers of a leper.
slowly and gradually.
and so i seek meaning.

Ponder.

Try and put on paper the reasons

you do whatever things you are

doing. e.g studies, career, hobbies.

:)

the solution to tough times is simply time off.

:\

huhu. Commitments fall off bit by bit like the fingers of a leper. this is tough.

:)

Age considers, youth ventures. Rabrindanath Tagore.

I have a feeling that i have started bending over to the 'considering' side.

Hospital Tuanku Jaafar, Seremban.

(rumah kedua saya)

reminders.

I realized,
you can't say "I've read that book already!"
and close its pages assuming you know its contents.
this book i'm reading, the Recitation,
surprises me every time i re-read its chapters.
it's really a page turner, even though you have read it before.
like an awesome movie that you keep watching over and over again.
Its stories, allegories, laws, etc; perfect, complete and detailed enough for people to take heed from.
do you know what the Recitation is?
->al(the) Quran(Recitation)<-highlight for the answer..)

days worth noting.

from the joys of exams,
til the ever familiar scent of my home.
it took close to two months to finally reach back here,
but, oh how fruitful it was.
things kept happening through-out.
one after the other.

(18/19/20)|12|09
Qayyim and I went down south to meet up with Singaporean traceurs. might be a short trip but, damn, i learned many things(many non-parkour lessons too). There is something about that country, about its people, about its infrastructure, the ideas and concepts behind them that captivates me. simple things with heavy lessons backing them up. i'll summarize them the way i physically saw it;
1. sturdy rails.
(represents quality and strength, 'to be, and to last')

2. fast escalators.
(represents the eagerness to progress, feel how dreadfully slow it is the next time you go up/down an escalator at your nearest mall)

3. the family restaurant where i ate briyani.
(represents honesty. i don't know why, but the place 'felt' so honest, so genuine. made that briyani i ate much much sedap'er)

4. the traceurs there.
(their focus and enthusiasm)

haha. the 1st 3 seems silly. but hey, thats how i see things. these are among the things that i learned and took home. Thanks Zahid for showing us around. Also stopped by Johor to meet the Johor freerunners!


26|12|09
baca khatam with me little second cousins. hehe. prepping up for that was fun. the bday/anniversary pre-khatam bbq. hehe. Atiks birthday and Atuk and Wan Teh's wedding anniversary. Those two were shy-looking when they had to blow out their many candles on their ulang tahun cake. Hehe.
Had a chance to do something (which i thought was) different for that baca khatam. After each sura was read, its terjemahan was read aloud too. Hopefully the people who came went home with lessons from these sura's.

27|12|09
PKMY(parkour malaysia) annual jam! at putrajaya's; Forbidden park, precint 8 and Dataran Gemilang. A tiring but satisfying whole day session with traceurs from all over Malaysia. with around 70 people turning up, it was the biggest gathering of traceurs i've seen so far in Malaysia.

31|12|09
New Years Eve. People were like ants, the air was humid and warm, and the fireworks display at KLCC was...ok ok la. haha. but, all that doesn't really matter because i was with my family. both grandma's from each side of the family was there!

1|1|10
haha. high speed roller coasters was all i remembered!

?|1|10
Went down south again, this time to Hakim's house and later the next day to Singapore to attend the 'Body Worlds' exhibition. It felt like MMS sessions as we try to recall the names of the muscles and stuff the we saw. Haha. Thanks to Hakim's auntie's family for the warm welcome and stay! Thanks to Hakim for sending me allll theee waayyy to Kuala Pilah. Crazy! haha.

?|1|10
as soon as i reach kampung from Johor/Sg i had to go pick up my little sis at the airport(didnt hppn due to car trouble, but Papa helped ambik. :D) and go straight to Sunway to catch the Neyo's, Year of the Gentleman concert. Najwa was the opening act and...huhu...meremang bulu roma. her singing voice was awesome. Neyo was a great performer and somehow, that taught me a lesson. Bersungguh2 when doing something.

after this, nothing much really happened besides parkour training sessions.
last week Hakim came over for a week-long homestay program at my grandma's house. haha.

and insyaAllah, next week, the KarimHakimKamal trio will lodge at my Kuching home for 4 days. haha. til then. Counting off the last month of me holiday.

peace!

exam results!

5/7 til the trigger is pulled.
whether i survive the blow,
or drop and bleed til i become like a prune,
its all in the hands of The Most Gracious.

simple things.

my heart still works.
one reminder is all it takes.
Usher and Alicia Keys were right.
Sheryl Crow too.

3 weeks + a few days of mischief

So close(1), yet so far(2).

(1) till exam day.
(2) topics to cover.

show and tell.

myself and my aims,
suffice for me alone it is known.
Must I go about aloud and proclaim,
what i myself have already shown?

:D

This is the best time to go back to the warmth of HOME!
:D